Good bye for now

Hello blogging world. You have been wonderful. You have been a close friend for the over 2 years of some of the biggest transitions in my life. I'm so thankful to have a record of the many thoughts emotions, and changes.

I've decided to shut down my blog. I am still very much transition woman - as the next few years bring finding a new home (in the same neighborhood), and maybe even children. I anticipate those will all be big transitions! Nonetheless, I think the season of this blog is done. I don't have the same craving to write that I did. Maybe its because I'm getting more confident in letting myself be known outside of the computer too:) . When I first started this blog, I think it was a way of revealing some of my real convictions.

This is genuinely the most content I've ever been. I believe my life has purpose, and I define it not just in myself but in my community. I have been blessed with a husband who is the best partner and friend I could ask for. I'm coming to peace in other relationships in life as well. The best part about all this contentedness is that everything is crazy now and not the least bit "peaceful" - we're raising funds, planning to move, don't know about job security, etc. But I guess that's the point of real peace anyway - it transcends understanding - It doesn't mask itself with denial, rather is equipped with confidence. It doesn't find its home in the trinity of safety, security, and equity. It makes itself like a raft or a buoy until hitting land.

Plus I'm happy because I have a cat and a dog who are also my buds.
So thanks for listening, dialoguing, and chatting everyone. Its been fun - and I look forward to it continuing through some other medium!

(And who knows, maybe I'll be like Michael Jordan and make several reappearances:)

"And the drunks propose a toast..."

Well, who's that man who thinks He's a prophet?
Well, I wonder if He's got something up His sleeve
Where's He from? Who is His daddy?
There's rumors He even thinks Himself a king
Of a kingdom of paupers
Simpletons and rogues
The whores all seem to love Him
And the drunks propose a toast

And they say, "Surely God is with us.
Well, surely God is with us."
They say, "Surely God is with us today!"

Who's that man who says He's a preacher?
Well, He must be, He's disturbing all our peace
Where's He get off, and what is He hiding
And every word He says those fools believe
Who could move a mountain
Who would love their enemy
Who could rejoice in pain
And turn the other cheek…

Lyric excerpt of Rich Mullins’ song “Surely God is with Us”

I’m reflecting a lot this weekend. We have a group visiting here, and we’re facilitating their time in the city. Its always a vulnerable thing – to see it all again through their eyes. We’ve hosted so many groups – and I’m noticing, its getting harder and harder to gage what they’re thinking. Its getting harder and harder to understand where they are coming from. We get a lot of questions about how long we plan to stay, how we plan to raise kids, etc. Two years ago these questions seemed natural to me. But two days ago when we heard them again, it threw me off.

“Its just life,” I think, “its not really any different than living anywhere else.”

But – I guess it is.

I’m losing touch with what its like to not be here.

And I think that’s probably okay.

I always sense the Holy Spirit when we have groups – and I very much sense that this time too. While it may be vulnerable, its also a blast and really fun. Paradignms, worldviews, all start to shift around – and I watch it become less abstract, and more real in each of their life stories.

I watch as scales fall off, as they see love in places they didn’t expect. We cry with them, as they think about how the church handles homelessness, race, poverty, and homosexuality just to name a few places/topics we visit. I don’t know how to describe it, but something hits the students, something that looks like hot, bitter tears of grief.

Jesus is palpable in these weekends, but often in really painful ways. And I’m not really referring to the pain of the poor. Moreso I’m referring to the pain of those who wonder why they have not known them before. I refer to the pain and anger that many of the students wrestle with asking, “why has my faith not taught me to address this?” A student said it really well: “We’ve talked about how ignorance is bliss – well, I think its true the opposite way as well - Awareness is really painful – but I believe its worth it.”

And I find myself reeling in these weekends, reeling in worship to God, reeling with emotion, reeling with a need to trust God.

And now for something I REALLY like...

Okay - I had to post this -

I don't know - does anyone hear an echo in the room? I'm pretty sure I drew "heart families" growing up. And if you know me, I think you can laugh along with why I LOVE it.


(Disclaimer:) I know that some people in my circle of friends and family are very into this word - feminism - you know who you are ladies - wink - while other folks are not so into this word - feminism. So - please know I post this only because I'm trying to post things that are consistent with my thoughts and who I am, even when that is different than those I care about. Plus, I think this one is almost a "ha, I'm making fun of myself" post:) you'll get it once you watch.

http://www.onnetworks.com/videos/smart-girls-at-the-party/the-feminist-ruby?autoplay=true

And now for something I like...

Many of you know that I'm a pretty big ( gigantic) fan of Amy Poehler. Even more, I really love the online series she is creating for young girls right now. I don't know - her humor makes me just want to pee my pants with laughter ( mind you, that actual action does not take place).

Let me emphasize this again - I really love the online series she's creating for girls right now! It makes me excited about working with pre-teens again, the age I secretly enjoy a great deal.

So, if you're interested - meet the dancer-
http://www.onnetworks.com/videos/smart-girls-at-the-party/the-dancer-kenaudra?autoplay=true

Black History Month

I encourage everyone to take some time to read, reflect, research, or participate in some way with black history month.

"But I'm not black" - you might be thinking:) ( unless you are black, then you're not thinking that:)

Why do I encourage everyone toward this? Because black history isn't just their history. It's a part of every American citizen's history as well. There are so many tremendous and wonderful parts of the history, as well as many tragic, unbelievably evil parts as well. And why care about this?

Because history matters. It really does. Example - The Bible. ( considered history and Scripture).

Enjoy!

What do you do? - a reflection piece

What do you do, when you pass a man as you walk past an alley – a man who is digging through the garbage? It was early in the morning, a time when people normally wouldn’t see. Do you look him in the eye and say hello – so that he knows he’s able to be looked at? Or do you look away, and allow him to maintain what dignity he has left. Do you look away to allow him to do what he needs to do in order to survive? Survival – that’s something unbelievable that is in us – this push to survive. Why else would someone isolated, dirty, and without a home push to still live?

What do you do when you’re putting your groceries away from the store, and as usual, someone comes and asks if they can help put them away for you. After a while of this, one can usually discern those who are really in a hard place, and those who might have addictions. ( which is also a hard place ). At least, in my experience discerning this has come more and more naturally – though never quite nailed down to a formula.
So what do you do? What do you do when a man approaches your husband and you, saying, “Sir, I made a mistake – I had too many kids and I can’t take care of them” – he proceeds with his planned story. And by the end of it, sincerity is in his tone. And a conversation is taking place between him and my husband. I get in the car. What would it do to Noel, if we had children and he had to go out, tell people his story, and put people’s groceries away? Every time we go to the grocery, someone asks to put the groceries away. I always notice their hands. They usually are full of scars, calloused, bluish from the cold. Very few wear gloves.

What do you do during your church prayer time, when a regular prayer comes from teens sharing about friends and family who have been jumped or killed. What do you do when a young girl stands up to share her request, only to break down crying – and has the slight ability to mutter out – “Please pray for J – he was jumped last week. And… he didn’t deserve it.” What does that do?

What do you do? . There’s lot’s of different options for what to do, I’m sure. While what I do is important, its not the most important question to me. Moreso I ask, where is what I do leading, who is it causing me to become? And not just me – who does it cause my family, my people to become, others to become?

"God is in his Holy Temple. He is father to the orphans, he defends, the widows. God gives the lonely a home. He leads the prisoners out with joy, but those who turn against God will live in a dry land." Psalm 68:5-6

"A new branch will grow from a stump of a tree; so a new king will come from the family of Jesse. The Spirit of the Lord will rest upon that king. The Spirit will give him wisdom and understanding, guidance, and power. The Spirit will teach him to know and respect the Lord. This kin g will be glad to obey the Lord. He will not judge by the way things look or decide by what he hears. But he will judge the poor honestly; he will be fair in his decisions for the poor people of the land. At his command evil people will be punished, and by his words the wicked will be put to death." Isaiah 11: 1-4

tagged

Hey !

Okay, my sister in law tagged me with a picture activity. I'm supposed to take the fourth picture folder in my computer and then choose the fourth picture. Here we go:

This was close to two years ago. This is my dear friend Erica. This was her personal shower. She was just a few months away from getting married, and it was just a few months after my wedding. So - this was a real fun time for both of us! We had a hat party at a local tea place.

PS- all clothes seen on me in this picture are thanks to Kate. I had such a hard time choosing what to wear that day! So I just went into her closet:)